Jody won Idols in December 2007. Since then she has been at home with her parents, and has performed at Muizenberg High School and Canal Walk Shopping Centre. Jody's song is played on stations in Mpumalanga.

Randall is the grumpy, crotchety nay-sayer. You must know this, even if you've only seen the show once. He gets cross when singers screw up songs, and never just lets it go. He takes it personally and dishes it out personally as well. There is no middle ground. Having said that, Randall has a wicked sense of humour and tells filthy jokes. He can also party up a storm.

 Randall is currently busy knifing pensioners and desecrating churches, but has assured me that he looks forward to Idols V. It is the only meaningful employment he has had since 1999.

Mara is the kind and caring mother on the panel. Apart from the odd fanatical outburst or spontaneous tantrum, Mara is sweet and nurturing. She takes singing very seriously and is obsessed with peeeeeetch – which apparently has something to do with which notes fit where on the scale. She performs at theatres, concerts and cabarets.

Mara spent all of 2007 belting out high notes at Gold Reef City in the musical Hairspray and is looking forward to picking fights with some segment of the population without even realising that she has.

Dave is the wise old sage and cynical music industry pro. Regardless of his complete lack of style (he would confess to this himself), Dave is actually very caring, kind and considerate to the contestants – well, maybe from the Top 5 show on… Dave has two kids and they judge him all the time, so don’t think he’s mean on Idols. Dave supports Manchester United, but isn’t Indian.

Dave is the Marketing boss at Sony BMG, a record company that exploits many great artists.

Colin Moss used to be the host of the show. He likes wearing women’s underwear and is obsessed with timepieces and his own grooming. Colin is surrounded by a permanent force of female admirers wherever he goes. He loves none of them so much as he loves his old Mustang.

 Since Idols IV ended, Colin has been converted into a Ken-doll and is selling like hot-cakes. Lucky for him, he's too much in demand among snuf-film directors to be able to parttake in Idols V

Mabale Moloi - "Spunky"... the baby of the group - aka Maybelline, Maybellicious or Abzi Wabzi XVIII. Born in the Hamlet of Qwa-Qwa, went to High School in Bloemies, attended Varsity in KZN and obtained a BSC degree before she was "plucked" out of the airwaves to join the team. Now Trafficologist on Gareth Cliff's show - 5FM Mornings - and News Reader for Soweto TV. Believes in laughter at least once a day, and to generally not take yourself too seriously!

Lyndell Klasse - "Shorty" - pint-sized power-packed dynamo - aka Lyndellicious or Lyns. Hails from PE (or more fondly known as the "armpit" of South Africa), studied at Rhodes University for a BSS degree in Industrial Psychology, English Language and Linguistics. Now part of the OneonOne team, a company specializing in radio advertising and production. Dancing is her first love - from Ballet to Hip Hop - and enjoys thought provoking conversations and just having fun in general - lots of fun!

Ntombi Masilela - "Sporty" - the first Black female rally driver in SA - aka Ntombilicious. Born and lives in Soweto and studied Sports Management and Project Management is currently a System Administrator for Arivia.kom. Crazy about sports - has partcipated in all sport except swimming, and actively participates in motor sport - "rally" started as a navigator and on the path to being a driver. Quiet, feminine and gracious but drives like a demon!

Mpho Ramorola - "Sultry" - a smile that can melt a thousand summers - aka Mpholicious, Mpopo, Audrey or Jennifer - work that one out! Born in Orlando, Soweto, bred in vereeniging, educated in both JHB and PMB where she obtained a B.A degree in English and Psychology... and later came to Jhb to look for a J.O.B Now is the Creative Coordinator for the TBWA advertising group. Although sensitive and reserved, she loves to teach and learn.

Bellinda Selby - "Sassy" - says it like it is - aka Bellindalicious or Bee. 20 Something... grew up and studied in Durban in the field of Marketing and Project Management. Now the Executive Assistant for the CEO of TBWA Hunt Lascaris. This is the songstress of the group - watch out Leona Lewis! When she dies, she'd like her tomb-stone to read: " To all those she owed money to - u saw this coming didn't ya?!"

Has always lived in the shadow of his evil father, Dr Hershelle Kromberg. Was accepted into medical school with six distinctions in his matric year, but decided to rather go into nursing, for fear of becoming his father. A mild-mannered, sensitive nurse who just goes about his business, and likes clubbing, Liza Minelli and tight clothes. For some reason he just hasn’t found the right woman to settle down with.

Annabel was Montgomery Chandler’s bit-on-the-side for a good 15 years. Upon his death, she thought to claim her share of his money, but failing that, decided to blackmail the rest of the Chandlers. Her mortal enemy, Francesca Chandler, paid her off in a drunken stupor and she now lives on Necker Island in the Caribbean. Annabel is haughty, pompous and completely barren. Her uterus is like the Kalahari. The gossip around town is that the Evil Kromberg also had his way with her in exchange for cheap medical supplies.

The son of Clarence and Winifred Munroe. Qualified last in his class at medical school. Was accepted into Neurosurgery, because the whole selection panel played golf with his father. Qualified last in his Neurosurgery class as well. His examiners took specific note of his lapse in concentration while operating. Dr Munroe is married to Clarisa and they have no children  -his marriage is on the rocks, just like his vodka and lime.

The bastard son of Francesca Chandler and Idi Amin, dictator of Uganda. Francesca’s brief affair took place during her stint as an exotic dancer in Kampala, when she and Montgomery were on a trial separation. To protect Ernest from being eaten by his father, Francesca fled back to her husband, Montgomery Chandler, and told him that adopting black babies would soon become a thing famous and rich people did. Montgomery bought it, and Ernest moved in with the Chandlers, in their mansion. Ernest has failed entry into medical school three times, largely due to his dependency on marijuana.

Ostensibly runs Schmorgesboard Enterprises. Kromberg, son of Isaac and Nechama Kromberg, was always destined to be very evil - punching holes in his father's condoms at the age of 10, and murdering his speech and hearing therapist at the age of 13. Dr Hershelle Kromberg makes Dr Wouter Basson look like a ballet dancer. Kromberg refused to appear before the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, because "it's all in the past, we must move on, harden the fuck up." He is tense and takes many prescribed medicines.

The wife of Montgomery Chandler, and daughter of Wilma and Hendrick Vermeulen of Colesberg. Francesca would tend to the sheep on her father's farm, until she was 16. On her 16th birthday, Francesca was attracted by the bright lights of Bloemfontein and it was there that she met Montgomery Chandler. Francesca was a cashier at the Shell Ultra City, and Montgomery Chandler was just buying some sparkling mineral water, en route to his holiday home in Camps Bay. Francesca is an alcoholic, a legacy of her early days, when her father Hendrick, had her on the "dop system".

A very rich and powerful man whilst he was alive, his presence still seems to loom large in this epic drama of intrigue, and total confusion. A major stakeholder in Schmorgesboard Enterprises, Montgomery Chandler died mysteriously when his Cerebral Artery was severed by Neurosurgeon Dr Clarence Munroe. As a result, Montgomery Chandler's 40% stake in the business is up for grabs and his Estate is in dispute. He is known to have fathered many bastard children.